I have friends who cannot function unless they are following their strict schedule. I look at them and think, "How sad that you cannot be more spontaneous and flexible. You are missing out on so much!" But I envy their stability and the comfort they have that comes with knowing what comes next.
I have friends who rarely follow a schedule. I look at them and think, "How sad that you cannot be more organized and focused so that you can achieve more. You have so much potential that you are wasting." But I envy their creativity and their free spirit lifestyle. They always have amazing experiences that were never planned.
So, here I am. Caught in the middle of the two. Sometimes desperately wanting a solid schedule so I can maintain a better flow of expectations for both myself and my family. Sometimes wanting more flexibility so I can enjoy something that the schedule wouldn't allow. Oh what to do, what to do.
My school just came out with a class schedule for each of the next three semesters. That is an entire year of my school life! Usually the schedule is released one semester at a time. I was ecstatic to lay out my classes, know what is coming, understand what will be demanded from me for the next year. Then I began to feel overwhelmed by it. The pressure of having to make sure I take the correct class at the correct time to cover all of the prerequisites. The decision to cram in as many hours as I can on the fewest number of days vs. take as many hours as I can to get through the program more quickly. Getting it all figured out then having the anxiety bubble up when I realize, what if something doesn't go as planned and my schedule gets all messed up?!
C is in the same boat as I am. He is always talking about how "we need to get on a better/normal schedule." Yet he cannot control his own work schedule. Never has been able to do that. So we both feel like we are constantly working against time. Unable to fit everything in. Always disappointed in what we don't/can't accomplish. It is maddening.
We are now in discussions about sending M to preschool this fall. We never did that with O. Never needed to. I was always around and we worked a lot on his basic Kindergarten skills. By the age of 4 he could recognize his numbers and letters on top of his colors and shapes. We were both confident that he was more than prepared to enter public school when he turned 5. M has not gotten the same attention. She is nowhere near where O was at this age on her numbers and letters. Yet she seems so much more advanced socially. I say we need to get her focused by people who have the skills to do so so she is ready to go to Kindergarten in Fall 2010. I don't have the time nor the patience to do that over the next year. C doesn't have the time but he is so much more patient than I when it comes to working on those things. I feel the need to have a better schedule once school starts to help the kids cope with our busy lives. C isn't so sure we need to spend the money. I understand that and agree but, dang it, something has got to give here. We need an anchor. O's school schedule helps keep us in some sort of a routine. A sometimes inconvenient routine! But, a routine none-the-less. M needs that same sort of routine in her young life to give her some focus. And I need some focus time to study.
So, as I'm sure most people do, we are constantly struggling to keep our lives going the direction we intended. We try very hard to enjoy the detours along the way but our path could use a bit more focus. I hope we figure it all out by the end of August.
