Ramblings about Schedules

I LOVE to plan and to know my schedule.  HOWEVER, I often hate to follow it.  I often feel rebellious towards it.  Enslaved by it.  

I have friends who cannot function unless they are following their strict schedule.  I look at them and think, "How sad that you cannot be more spontaneous and flexible.  You are missing out on so much!"  But I envy their stability and the comfort they have that comes with knowing what comes next.

I have friends who rarely follow a schedule.  I look at them and think, "How sad that you cannot be more organized and focused so that you can achieve more.  You have so much potential that you are wasting."  But I envy their creativity and their free spirit lifestyle.  They always have amazing experiences that were never planned.

So, here I am.  Caught in the middle of the two.  Sometimes desperately wanting a solid schedule so I can maintain a better flow of expectations for both myself and my family.  Sometimes wanting more flexibility so I can enjoy something that the schedule wouldn't allow.  Oh what to do, what to do.

My school just came out with a class schedule for each of the next three semesters.  That is an entire year of my school life!  Usually the schedule is released one semester at a time.  I was ecstatic to lay out my classes, know what is coming, understand what will be demanded from me for the next year.  Then I began to feel overwhelmed by it.  The pressure of having to make sure I take the correct class at the correct time to cover all of the prerequisites.  The decision to cram in as many hours as I can on the fewest number of days vs. take as many hours as I can to get through the program more quickly.  Getting it all figured out then having the anxiety bubble up when I realize, what if something doesn't go as planned and my schedule gets all messed up?!

C is in the same boat as I am.  He is always talking about how "we need to get on a better/normal schedule."  Yet he cannot control his own work schedule.  Never has been able to do that.  So we both feel like we are constantly working against time.  Unable to fit everything in.  Always disappointed in what we don't/can't accomplish.  It is maddening.

We are now in discussions about sending M to preschool this fall.  We never did that with O.  Never needed to.  I was always around and we worked a lot on his basic Kindergarten skills.  By the age of 4 he could recognize his numbers and letters on top of his colors and shapes.  We were both confident that he was more than prepared to enter public school when he turned 5.  M has not gotten the same attention.  She is nowhere near where O was at this age on her numbers and letters.  Yet she seems so much more advanced socially.  I say we need to get her focused by people who have the skills to do so so she is ready to go to Kindergarten in Fall 2010.  I don't have the time nor the patience to do that over the next year.  C doesn't have the time but he is so much more patient than I when it comes to working on those things.  I feel the need to have a better schedule once school starts to help the kids cope with our busy lives.  C isn't so sure we need to spend the money.  I understand that and agree but, dang it, something has got to give here.  We need an anchor.  O's school schedule helps keep us in some sort of a routine.  A sometimes inconvenient routine!  But, a routine none-the-less.  M needs that same sort of routine in her young life to give her some focus.  And I need some focus time to study. 

So, as I'm sure most people do, we are constantly struggling to keep our lives going the direction we intended.  We try very hard to enjoy the detours along the way but our path could use a bit more focus.  I hope we figure it all out by the end of August.   

More upbeat news

With so much craziness going on I need to focus on the fun stuff we have done and are doing.

Last week the kids and I went to the zoo for the afternoon and had a blast.  Afterwards we attended a free concert in the park near the zoo.  Sunday, O had his first baseball game.  He has moved up to the coach pitch division but this season they are using a machine to pitch because of too much inconsistency with the coaches pitching.  It is a huge leap in skill level for all of the players but especially for those who have not played before.  The team did well even though they played a team who had obviously been practicing longer and more intently.  It is difficult at this level because we feel like the kids should be learning the basic skills and the basic rules of the game in a fun way.  This other team seemed to be quite a bit ahead of O's team in many ways and therefore really rolled right over O's team.  How can you learn when the other team overwhelms you?  I have no problem with them practicing and having better skills but it seemed that the coach was taking advantage of the weaknesses on our team which just didn't seem fair at this level.  For instance, one of their batters hit a double that brought 2 of their guys home.  Our 3rd baseman had the ball and the hitter was on second on his way to 3rd.  He obviously stopped when he saw that the 3rd baseman had control of the ball.  While the umpire hadn't officially called the play over, it seemed that it in fact was over so C told the 3rd baseman to throw the ball to the pitcher to get ready for the next play.  When the player did that, the other coach yelled at his player on 2nd to head for 3rd!  Yes, I understand that is how the game is played and I totally understand that the ump had not called the end of the play but, seriously.  Was that necessary at this level? 

I already know that I have a bias with this.  I hate competition.  I really don't know why.  It is healthy and such a positive thing for so many people.  So many people thrive on it.  I totally do the opposite and shut down.  If I get pushed in a competitive way, I will quit and walk away.  I honestly hate it that much.  It is not fun to me.  I don't get it at all.  I am trying so hard not to let O see that side of me and encourage him as he competes in sports and life in general.  He struck out both times he was up to bat and cried both times out of frustration.  I could totally feel for him as I was quoting the Tom Hanks line to him from "A League of Their Own," "There is no crying in baseball!"  I really have to get a grip on this issue I have because it is only going to get worse as he gets older.  The competition I mean.  I HOPE NOT the crying!

M is still loving dance class and is so very cute to watch.  She and her little classmates have fun together.

As is usual with me, I had a whole list of things I wanted to post about but kept getting distracted by things around the house.  I swear I have ADD.  More later....if I can focus long enough!